Stop and think about it....

[Non Sequitur]

This is a game the religion professors and the majors/minors play at my college. When one hears a theology statement that is so bad you have to laugh you submit it to the secretary and they get posted once a week. We call this "stop and think about it..." Seems like a fun game we could play here. Any particularly funny lines, just post them here whether they are from work, or play.

Stop and think about.... Evangelical edition (all these quotes are from a three part movie series on Evangelical America).

1. "Napoleon said: 'a man goes best when he is well dressed'"
- Principle of Monthala Bible School (why is a bible school principle quoting Napoleon???)

2. "everything is a lot easier when you're around people who think like you"
- Girl and Youth Conference (oh God....)

3. "He's a pastor, writer, and international crusader for Christ"
- promo for Televangelist (he's a renaissance man)

4. "If you make a vow of a thousand dollars, Jesus will pay your bills"
- Televangelist (sign me up!)

5. "Jesus never said forsake everything"
- Prosperity Gospel preacher (actually, I'm pretty sure he did)

Disclaimer: I hold no personal rancour toward Evangelicals (well, except for the televangelists and the prosperity Gospel). I just find these hilarious.

[Lily]

The occultist Baum, a member of the Theosophical Society, was inspired by some spirit who gave him the "magic key" to write the Wizard of Oz book, which came out in 1900. The book's story is full of satanic activity and satanic thinking. The story was chosen in the late 1940s to be the basis for the Illuminati/Intelligence community's trauma-based total mind control programming.

Alrighty then. :rofl:

More nonsense about the satanic nature of the Wizard of Oz here (http://www.greatdreams.com/reptlan/grand_dame.htm).

[Non Sequitur]

Alrighty then. :rofl:

More nonsense about the satanic nature of the Wizard of Oz here (http://www.greatdreams.com/reptlan/grand_dame.htm).

wow, just wow :lol:

This is my favorite line: "the Illuminati’s gnostic beliefs." What on earth does that mean????

[dilettante]

Alrighty then. :rofl:

More nonsense about the satanic nature of the Wizard of Oz here (http://www.greatdreams.com/reptlan/grand_dame.htm).


"Dorothy kills the wicked witch of the west by a sharp blow to the forehead with the witch’s staff..."



Apparently they didn't actually bother to watch the movie. :shrug:

[The Drunk Girl]

"Dorothy kills the wicked witch of the west by a sharp blow to the forehead with the witch’s staff..."



Apparently they didn't actually bother to watch the movie. :shrug:

So she said, "I'm melting, I'm melting" after the blow to the head?!

[The Drunk Guy]

wow, just wow :lol:

This is my favorite line: "the Illuminati’s gnostic beliefs." What on earth does that mean????

Gnosis is knowledge, so one could assume they strive for knowledge. However, I believe they are referring to Christian Gnosticism, which is a very different animal. :shrug:

[Zarquon]

Thank God for _____precious personal achievement or human invention.

[Zarquon]

End-times prophecies, especially this one:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/01/01/BA8V1AV589.DTL

[Lily]

End-times prophecies, especially this one:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/01/01/BA8V1AV589.DTL

Atonement x Completeness x Heaven, squared = May 21, 2011. Of course! Now, why didn't I see that? :ummm:

[Michael]

Atonement x Completeness x Heaven, squared = May 21, 2011. Of course! Now, why didn't I see that? :ummm:

They're just trying to steal the Mayan's thunder - the world ends on December 21st, 2012 - everyone knows that! :lol:

[SMadsen]

A theology statement so bad that I have to laugh? Oh, where to begin. They are all amusing.

For example, the most basic "[insert deity of choice] exists" is not exactly lacking humor. On several levels, even. Inferring qualities on top, such as "[insert deity of choice] is good", is even funnier.

The only thing that is not funny about theological statements is that some don't find them funny at all.

[Michael]

A theology statement so bad that I have to laugh? Oh, where to begin. They are all amusing.

For example, the most basic "[insert deity of choice] exists" is not exactly lacking humor. On several levels, even. Inferring qualities on top, such as "[insert deity of choice] is good", is even funnier.

The only thing that is not funny about theological statements is that some don't find them funny at all.
I tend to find theology statements to be 'incomprehensible' rather than 'silly/funny'.

Like the all-consuming question of 5th century Byzantium was about transnubiation (sp???). Seriously, who can get worked up about a topic like that? But they killed people and had huge popular riots over the issue!

[Zarquon]

transnubiation (sp???)
transubstantiation

[Michael]

transubstantiation

Thanks! :o

I was having a complete mental block with that word. I sat there for five minutes just trying to come up with as much as I did! I kept saying "trans-stab-something" in my head, over and over. :lol:

I understood the issue/concept that I was referring to, I just couldn't remember the blasted word!

[SMadsen]

'Symbolic cannibalism' is much easier to say.

Quite a hilarious thing in itself.. that is, not that it's cannibalism but the theological justification of it.

[The Drunk Guy]

'Symbolic cannibalism' is much easier to say.
Plus, it explains what the fuck you're talking about. And they rioted over communion?

That reminds me, I thought about going to church the other day for the snacks. :shrug: Luckily, TDGal's mom made a cheeseball, so I didn't have to sacrifice myself like that.

[Zarquon]

Human microchips seen by some in Virginia House as device of antichrist (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/09/AR2010020903796.html)

The House of Delegates is scheduled to vote Wednesday on a bill that would protect Virginians from attempts by employers or insurance companies to implant microchips in their bodies against their will.
It might also save humanity from the antichrist, some supporters think.
Del. Mark L. Cole (R-Fredericksburg) (http://dela.state.va.us/dela/MemBios.nsf/a7b082ef6ed01eac85256c0d00515644/272f67587b7df3cd85257535005773fc?OpenDocument), the bill's sponsor, said that privacy issues are the chief concern behind his attempt to criminalize the involuntary implantation of microchips. But he also said he shared concerns that the devices could someday be used as the "mark of the beast" described in the Book of Revelation.

"My understanding -- I'm not a theologian -- but there's a prophecy in the Bible that says you'll have to receive a mark, or you can neither buy nor sell things in end times," Cole said. "Some people think these computer chips might be that mark."
Cole said that the growing use of microchips could allow employers, insurers or the government to track people against their will and that implanting a foreign object into a human being could also have adverse health effects.
WTF?
and Michael, can you get a "facepalm" smiley?

[Non Sequitur]

I tend to find theology statements to be 'incomprehensible' rather than 'silly/funny'.

Like the all-consuming question of 5th century Byzantium was about transnubiation (sp???). Seriously, who can get worked up about a topic like that? But they killed people and had huge popular riots over the issue!

Well, when the issue determines your salvation, it might be understandable, but it's still pretty waked out.

[Michael]

...and Michael, can you get a "facepalm" smiley?

Oddly enough, this is a tough one. Lots of people looking for a good smilie for this...

http://img505.imageshack.us/img505/9286/facepalmsmiley1ti3.gif

Found a better one...

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k97/derPixie/Smiley/facepalm.gif