Contemporary parental values

[Dominick]

Originally posted on Sep, 3rd 2008

This is taken from a survey done by a joint venture between a magazine and a public TV channel in Belgium. The survey is good quality with sound methodology.
I'm not as much interested in the specific situation in Belgium (not at all really) but in what people from other countries/cultures/continents find the most surprising about the results.

1st Question : Which values do you find most important to transfer to your children:


Value Percentage
---------------------------
Honesty 83
Selfconfidence 73
Altruism 53
Having your own opinion 50
Endurance 50
Nicety 48
Discipline 39
Creative selfrealization 36
Tidyness, care for stuff 27
Good school results 21
Tranquility 16
Homeliness 15
Ambition, achievement 13
Faith (religious) 3


So, what are you surprised about ? Personally I'm abhorred though not surprised by 'good school results'.

Note : 'tranquility' and 'homeliness' sound as silly in the original Dutch as they do in English. I suppose that 16% have ADHD kids.

[Dominick]

Recuperated replies:


I'm surprised at how low "faith" rates. Is it really that secular over there?



I'm surprised at how low "faith" rates. Is it really that secular over there?
Yes. Church attendance is something like 4% too. Many smaller village and towns no longer have priests or church services. It's not active atheism, it's just disinterestedness. And contrary to what some people think, it's not much higher amongst people with Islamic backgrounds.


I'd consider it a relevant point to keep in mind here that such surveys tend to show that two-thirds of people (self-identify) as better looking than average or more intelligent than average (which is an impossible result by definition).

In other words, it is easy to offer platitudes in surveys about what you think you ought to teach your child. In reality, most people fall short such platitudes.

Indeed, I'm reminded of a rather amusing 'fight' I had with my father many years ago - he used to say "all I ever tried to teach you was the value of honesty and responsibility" - and I replied - "yes, and you taught me that lying is always better than the truth and that responsibility is something to be avoided at all costs".

That shut the bastard up.


How can you teach 'homeliness' and why would you want to?



How can you teach 'homeliness' and why would you want to?
Usually (and all too often) that's passed on regardless of parental intent or child-indoctrination!

(I'm thinking it is a bad translation from the Dutch)



How can you teach 'homeliness' and why would you want to?

Usually (and all too often) that's passed on regardless of parental intent or child-indoctrination!

(I'm thinking it is a bad translation from the Dutch)

homeliness
1. Brit. simple but comfortable -> unsophisticated
2. N. Amer. unattractive
It is of course the British meaning.


What do they mean by discipline? Does this mean self-discipline? or like, you've been a bad bad boy, why can't you behave?

I'm trying to read this list and see how it lines up with my own parents' priorities.



What do they mean by discipline? Does this mean self-discipline? or like, you've been a bad bad boy, why can't you behave?
Self-discipline, self-restraint, ability to obey authority, that kinda thing.


I'm trying to read this list and see how it lines up with my own parents' priorities.
And how does it tally up ?



Self-discipline, self-restraint, ability to obey authority, that kinda thing.
Now, I don't think that self-discipline and ability to obey authority are the same thing at all.


And how does it tally up ?
I'm not sure... it's difficult for me to say.

Things that they (my mother, really) were more explicit with were probably altruism, tidiness, good school results, faith and maybe homeliness (British version). Ironically, I'm not sure that any of those (excepting altruism) are really the most important to them. I think they had/have a more discreet parenting style. Apparently it works, since I seem to have turned out like My Dad Version 2.0 in many respects.

Faith is a funny one. They emphasized religion and religious participation heavily throughout our lives. This is probably the reason that I am so attracted to religion with its ceremony and tradition. This is partially a cultural thing, as my dad comes from a Colombian Catholic family, and my mom, for other reasons, was eager to embrace their faith and traditions. On the other hand, the Family Donkey Catholicism has always been heavily influenced by liberation theology and a distinct difficulty with actual belief. (My great aunt was briefly a nun before she decided that the Catholic church was doing nothing for poor people, ditched the habit and started her own charity in Cali ).

Retrospectively analyzing your parents' parenting techniques (and to what extent anything was planned, like instilling values and whatnot) is fascinating, and 83% guess work.

[Dominick]

More replies, not necessarily consecutive with the previous.



Now, I don't think that self-discipline and ability to obey authority are the same thing at all.
I understand, but the Dutch word covers both meanings. The word 'zelfdiscipline' is rarely used and has an SM ring too it (In Flanders that is, in Holland, the meaning is closer to the English word).


I'm not sure... it's difficult for me to say.

Things that they (my mother, really) were more explicit with were probably altruism, tidiness, good school results, faith and maybe homeliness (British version). Ironically, I'm not sure that any of those (excepting altruism) are really the most important to them. I think they had/have a more discreet parenting style. Apparently it works, since I seem to have turned out like My Dad Version 2.0 in many respects.
That is essentially the analysis the corresponding article from a pedagogue gives. It's the personality of the parents that defines the kids rather than their intent. That would correspond to you being Donkey Sr. 2.0
Nevertheless, I think it is interesting to compare this intent. Do you have any idea what the numbers or sequence would be in the US ?


Faith is a funny one. They emphasized religion and religious participation heavily throughout our lives. This is probably the reason that I am so attracted to religion with its ceremony and tradition. This is partially a cultural thing, as my dad comes from a Colombian Catholic family, and my mom, for other reasons, was eager to embrace their faith and traditions. On the other hand, the Family Donkey Catholicism has always been heavily influenced by liberation theology and a distinct difficulty with actual belief. (My great aunt was briefly a nun before she decided that the Catholic church was doing nothing for poor people, ditched the habit and started her own charity in Cali ).
Kudos to your great aunt. That must have been a shocking decision at the time.




I understand, but the Dutch word covers both meanings. The word 'zelfdiscipline' is rarely used and has an SM ring too it (In Flanders that is, in Holland, the meaning is closer to the English word).
I think 'showing respect' for authority might be a better way to put it. Self-discipline is when one shows outward respect to authority even when one doesn't actually respect it. It is undisciplined to spit in a cop's face just because you don't like cops. That kind of behavior doesn't usually work out well. Ergo, even for radicals, self-discipline generally does mean 'showing respect' for authority. Social forms are important.


Nevertheless, I think it is interesting to compare this intent. Do you have any idea what the numbers or sequence would be in the US ?
I looked around for something similar, but didn't find anything. However, I suspect the bottom two on your Dutch list would score considerably higher in a similar US study. Otherwise I'd expect the same list.

[Korimyr the Rat]

So, what are you surprised about ? Personally I'm abhorred though not surprised by 'good school results'.

I'm a little concerned that ambition and achievement are so low in the list. At least honesty and self-confidence have high marks-- but how do you have self-confidence without achievement?

What scares me most is that loyalty is nowhere to be found on that list, and I consider it-- alongside ambition and altruism-- to be among the most fundamental moral virtues. There have been times that I have argued that loyalty is the basis of all moral virtue.